20 Funny Valentines Day Quotes

Valentines Day is coming up soon, and guys and gals alike will be starting to plan for/dread the day. We compiled a list of the 20 best Funny Valentines Day Quotes to remind you not to take this non-holiday too seriously. Take a chill pill, relax, and don’t let the looming pressure of gifts and chocolates loom over you. Just make sure not to forget it – it’s February 14th. It’s the same day every year. You really shouldn’t be forgetting it.

See some funny valentines day quotations from Jay Leno, Groucho Marx, Woody Allen, and Aisha Tyler.

Anyways, without further ado:

20 Funny Valentines Day Quotes for your enjoyment.

Funny Valentines Day Quotes 1

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.

Tracy Smith

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 My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

Rita Rudner

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One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

Oscar Wilde

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The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

Ann Landers

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Funny Valentines Day Quotes 2

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house

Groucho Marx

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Valentine’s day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone’s like ‘Oh, happy valentine’s day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!

Greg Giraldo

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February is a month of months, and there is one special day: Valentine’s Day on the 14th. I know it’s still a ways off, but I just can’t wait. Janice, if you’re watching, will you make me the happiest man in the world and get out of my apartment?

Ed Helms

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Every year, girls are like, ‘This is the year I get diamonds!’ And guys are like, ‘This is the year I get a blowjob!’ Everybody’s disappointed.

Aisha Tyler

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Funny Valentines Day Quotes 3

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in

Richard Jeni

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Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier

Mae West

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Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love

Albert Einstein

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Funny Valentines Day Quotes 4

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick

Mary Wilson

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I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

Jean Illsley Clarke

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I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

Rita Rudner

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No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying

Unknown Source

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Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage

Ambrose Bierce

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