36 Brilliant Joan Rivers Quotes

Joan Alexandra Molinsky, later known as Joan Rivers, was born in Brooklyn on June 8, 1933. Rivers got her education at Barnard College, where she majored in English and got started on her path to acting and comedy. After speaking with her agent, Tony Rivers about her name, Joan decided to adopt the last name of Rivers.

To get a start in acting, one of the first plays that Joan starred in was Driftwood. Here she played a lesbian opposite of Barbara Streisand, who was also unknown at the time. One of the major breaks that Joan got to boost her to stardom was nighttime television. Joan was first discovered from her appearances in the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Carson later served as a mentor and a person who Joan would model some of her comedy career after.

In the 1960’s Joan got her own show, dubbed The Joan Rivers Show. Here she spoke with major stars of the time, including some members of The Brady Bunch, Jerry Lewis, and more. This show was the catalyst that started Joan River’s humor for self-depreciation and making fun of others. In addition, the show made her a household name.

Another thing that Joan became famous for was her plastic surgery, which she made very public. Her ability to poke fun at others and herself kept her wildly successful, and aided her Fashion Police Show, so successful in the 2000s.

In 1965, Rivers got married to Edgar Rosenberg. Rosenberg and Rivers would remain married for 22 years, until his death by suicide in 1987. From this union came her only child, Melissa Rosenberg, who would also take on the stage name of Rivers later in life. Joan Rivers passed away on September 4, 2014 after complications during throat surgery. Her legacy of laughter, humor, and poking fun at the undo-able, lives on after her nearly 50-year reign as the mean queen. Here are 36 brilliant quotes, just a sample of the many great ones from this super star of comedy.

It’s so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up who.

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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

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I always like a charity with people who don’t speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.

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I will only praise someone who can’t take anything away from me.

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My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

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All my friends are dying. That’s why I always wear black.

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You can find my book at your favourite bookstore, and if it isn’t there, find a new favourite.

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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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When I turn down work, I feel guilty, I feel terrible; I don’t know where the next job is going to come from.

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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

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If you’re saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that’s acting.

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I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

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I hate old people, I hate children. I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don’t need it. It all comes out onstage.

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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

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Yeah, I read history. But it doesn’t make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

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Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

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Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

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I lived to be on stage, and I’m terrified. Terrified before every show.

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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it’s like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

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My audiences get younger all the time.

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