38 Hilarious Groucho Marx Quotes

With his legendary wit, Groucho Marx entertained millions for nearly seven decades. Enjoy these fantastic Groucho Marx Quotes with Flokka.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

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groucho01.fw

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

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Humor is reason gone mad.

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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

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groucho04.fw

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.

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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

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groucho05.fw

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it.

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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

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I intend to live forever, or die trying.

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groucho07.fw

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men — the other 999 follow women.

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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

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Time wounds all heels.

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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

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Marriage is a wonderful institution…but who wants to live in an institution?

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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?

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groucho11.fw

The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.

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Before I speak, I have something important to say.

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groucho12.fw

I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.

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There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says “yes” you know he is a crook.

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